Two weeks ago a man in France was arrested for raping his daughter. She’d gone to her school counselor and then the police, but they needed “hard evidence.” So, she videotaped her next assault. Her father was eventually arrested. His attorney explained, “There was a period when he was unemployed and in the middle of a divorce. He insists that these acts did not stretch back further than three or four months. His daughter says longer. But everyone should be very careful in what they say.” Because, really, even despite her seeking help, her testimony, her bravery in setting up a webcam to film her father raping her, you really can’t believe what the girl says, can you?
Everyone “knows” this. Even children.
Three years ago, in fly-on-the-wall fashion of parent drivers everywhere, I listened while a 14-year-old girl in the back seat of my car described how angry she was that her parents had stopped allowing her to walk home alone just because a girl in her neighborhood “claimed she was raped.” When I asked her if there was any reason to think the girl’s story was not true, she said, “Girls lie about rape all the time.” She didn’t know the person, she just assumed she was lying…
No one says, “You can’t trust women,” but distrust them we do. College students surveyed revealed that they think up to 50% of their female peers lie when they accuse someone of rape, despite wide-scale evidence and multi-country studies that show the incident of false rape reports to be in the 2%-8% range, pretty much the same as false claims for other crimes. As late as 2003, people jokingly (wink, wink) referred to Philadelphia’s sex crimes unit as “the lying bitch unit.” If an 11-year-old girl told an adult that her father took out a Craigslist ad to find someone to beat and rape her while he watched, as recently actually occurred, what do you think the response would be? Would she need to provide a videotape after the fact?
It goes way beyond sexual assault as well. That’s just the most likely and obvious demonstration of “women are born to lie” myths. Women’s credibility is questioned in the workplace, in courts, by law enforcement, in doctors’ offices, and in our political system. People don’t trust women to be bosses, or pilots, or employees. Pakistan’s controversial Hudood Ordinance still requires a female rape victim to procure four male witnesses to her rape or risk prosecution for adultery. In August, a survey of managers in the United States revealed that they overwhelmingly distrust women who request flextime. It’s notable, of course, that women are trusted to be mothers—the largest pool of undervalued, unpaid, economically crucial labor."
Men want what they want.
So much of our culture caters to giving men what they want. A high school student invites model Kate Upton to attend his prom, and he’s congratulated for his audacity. A male fan at a Beyoncé concert reaches up to the stage to slap her ass because her ass is there, her ass is magnificent, and he wants to feel it. The science fiction fandom community is once again having a heated discussion, across the Internet, about the ongoing problem of sexual harassment at conventions — countless women are telling all manner of stories about how, without their consent, they are groped, ogled, lured into hotel rooms under false pretenses, physically lifted off the ground, and more.
But men want what they want. We should all lighten up.
It’s hard not to feel humorless as a woman and a feminist, to recognize misogyny in so many forms, some great and some small, and know you’re not imagining things. It’s hard to be told to lighten up because if you lighten up any more, you’re going to float the fuck away. The problem is not that one of these things is happening, it’s that they are all happening, concurrently and constantly.
These are just songs. They are just jokes. They are just movies. It’s just a hug. They’re just breasts. Smile, you’re beautiful. Can’t a man pay you a compliment? In truth, this is all a symptom of a much more virulent cultural sickness — one where women exist to satisfy the whims of men, one where a woman’s worth is consistently diminished or entirely ignored."
I hemmed and hawed over publishing this publicly because it makes me look dumb. I know co workers will see it, associates will see it, people who look up to me as a survivor of abuse will see it, and I will look Dumb. But I think that’s okay. I was being pretty dumb and I think a lot of…
One of my co-workers wrote this. You absolutely must read it.
Breaking Bad spoilers within. Trigger warning for abuse.breaking bad abusive relationships skyler white walter white misogyny queue
motivation behind misogyny:
- men maintaining power over women
results of misogyny:
- rape, abuse, murder, lower pay, less opportunities, general discrimination and loss of power, restrictive gender roles, and much, much more.
motivation behind misandry:
- men as a group sure do a lot of bad things as a result of their gendered power and male privilege, im not sure that i trust them or even like them.
results of misandry:
- hurt feelings
(Source: lesbolution)boom feminism misandry misogyny queue
With all this crap lately about young women saying our generation doesn’t need feminism, I think it’s time to take to Twitter and explain exactly what feminism does not friggin’ mean.
Carla Bruni? #feminismdoesnotmean you can’t be a housewife if you don’t want to.
Taylor Swift? #feminismdoesnotmean it’s a women vs. men thing.
Got more? Tweet it.
PREACH. Join us on the twitters.feminismdoesnotmean twitter feminism sexism misogyny fundamental lack of understanding of what the hell it means
I love everything ThinkProgress’s Alyssa Rosenberg writes but I think I love this piece most of all.buffy the vampire slayer reddit misogyny violentacrez creep shaming geeks buffy gawker
feminism women carol diehl misogyny queue
all women were bigger and stronger than you
And thought they were smarter
women were the ones who started wars
too many of your friends had been raped by women wielding giant dildos
and no K-Y Jelly
the state trooper
who pulled you over on the New Jersey Turnpike
was a woman
and carried a gun
the ability to menstruate
was the prerequisite for most high-paying jobs
your attractiveness to women depended
on the size of your penis
every time women saw you
they’d hoot and make jerking motions with their hands
women were always making jokes
about how ugly penises are
and how bad sperm tastes
you had to explain what’s wrong with your car
to big sweaty women with greasy hands
who stared at your crotch
In a garage where you are surrounded
by posters of naked men with hard-ons
men’s magazines featured cover photos
of 14-year-old boys
tucked into the front of their jeans
and articles like:
“How to tell if your wife is unfaithful”
“What your doctor won’t tell you about your prostate”
“The truth about impotence”
the doctor who examined your prostate
was a woman
and called you “Honey”
You had to inhale your boss’s stale cigar breath
as she insisted that sleeping with her
was part of the job
You couldn’t get away because
the company dress code required
you wear shoes
designed to keep you from running
And what if
after all that
women still wanted you
to love them.
- Carol Diehl
This morning my coworker linked me to an article on Hello Giggles written by Emma Gannon, a Londoner who is apparently a Lifestyle blogger. I have literally never heard of her before this morning, and now I’m wishing I never had.
This multi-paragraph monstrosity of condescension and tittering little-girl rhetoric began innocuously enough: comedians make Gannon uncomfortable sometimes. And that is totally cool — comedians make me uncomfortable sometimes, too. Comedy is a way to peel back the skin of society and expose the nerves underneath. It’s not always a 100% pleasant experience. I was skeptical, but on board.
At least, until this paragraph:
This brings me on to an act I saw on Friday who tried to be controversial but failed miserably in my eyes. This comedienne was Katherine Ryan. From the programme, I was intrigued by her, but her pretty, delicate face was no warning to what was about to come out of her mouth. I must admit here that I knew I was not going to find her funny. The reason being? Well, she was a girl.
I thought, she cannot possibly be serious. She cannot possibly be tasteless and thoughtless enough, in the wake of a week where no one who’s talking about comedy has been talking about anything other than Daniel Tosh and rape culture, to write a blog entry about how women aren’t funny on a website where young progressive women, who often ID as feminist (and I am thinking here of the teenage girls who frequent Hello Giggles), get some of their information about opinions in the world.
Oh, but she is! She is that thoughtless and tasteless! Because the article goes on to explain why girls aren’t funny (but just on stage, ladies, we’re better than men everywhere else!): girls only talk about weight problems or shoes or insecurities or like, WOMEN’S ISSUES, god, how BORING.
The main reason her stand-up act aggravated me (and pretty much everyone there, by amount of people leaving the tent) was that she spoke about ‘women’s issues’. Her introduction was launching into ripping apart women who have sex too much. Then onto pregnancy, then into divorce and back into taking the out of young girls in tiny shorts. All of her ‘funny’ material was just about women. Why do you female comedians HAVE to talk about these same topics? Every. Single. Time. It makes us women look like we have nothing else to talk about. That we moan all the time about being a woman. We not just baby-making machines that complain about shoes and diets. At least I don’t think so.
First and foremost: Nope. Sorry. You don’t get a pass just because you threw in some pro-feminist rah-rah anti-gender roles lip service there at the end of the paragraph. Because here’s what Gannon’s saying: women aren’t funny because women’s experiences aren’t universal. Men’s are. Ah, right. I’d forgotten that in a patriarchy, the only experiences that matter are men’s. Thanks for reminding me, Hello Giggles.
“Ripping apart women who have sex too much” aside (that is, absolutely, bullshit), what Gannon has done here is take her experience with one lackluster comedian and apply it to an entire gender. And what is that? Say it with me now: misogyny! Hooray!
I’m curious as to how Gannon has come to the conclusion that female comedians only slut-shame and talk about pregnancy, in her words, “Every. Single. Time.” Do you know how many female comedians I know who only talk about being a baby-making machine, or complaining about shoes or diets? Zero. I know Z E R O female comedians who talk about that shit, and if they do, it is ALWAYS in the context of “here’s my experience as a woman and isn’t it fucking ridiculous that society makes it this way?”
Gannon has either a very limited understanding of how comedy works or only indulges in a very limited range of comedians if she thinks that women aren’t funny. Here are twenty women, both British and American, off the top of my head that are funny, on-stage and off (and please note that I know MANY of these women have said or done problematic things, but that is not the point of this blog):
- Wanda Sykes
- Sarah Silverman
- Amy Poehler
- Tina Fey
- Josie Long
- Margaret Cho
- Katie Halper
- Ellen Degeneres
- Samantha Bee
- Joy Behar
- Shappi Khorsandi
- Kristin Wiig
- Maya Rudolph
- Jo Brand
- Negin Farsad
- Marina Franklin
- Miranda Hart
- Comedy duo Garfunkel and Oates (whatever, technically they count as two)
- Sarah Millican
And the list goes on! Hell, if you Google “female comedians” the FIRST RESULT YOU GET is a list of 53 OF THEM ON HUFFPO. But y’all, Gannon says women aren’t funny because GOD, don’t they EVER shut UP? They’re not like men! Men know what’s funny!
Men don’t just talk about weight problems, or penis size, or diets, or how insecure they feel at the gym. They talk about objects, experiences, funny moments, observations. For the most part, their material remains gender neutral.
Here’s the thing: it doesn’t. It appears to be gender neutral observations because men’s observations are taken to be The Norm, and anything that deviates from that is “women’s observations” or “gay observations” or “black observations.”
And frankly? Many male comedians have material that is also totally gendered! They talk about their girlfriends and how “crazy” they are, how funny rape is, and stereotypically “manly” shit like hunting and sports and drinking beer at some bar while ogling hot girls in short shorts. They talk about how disgusting fat women are, how stupid blonde women are, how awful it is when women won’t sleep with them. And this gendered material is balanced with talking about being a parent, or talking about dogs or something — in the same way that women do.
What I cannot get over, aside from the internalized misogyny bleeding out of every line of this entry, is that Emma Gannon has probably been paid to publish this tripe. Someone gave her money to publish her thoughtless, tasteless, and utterly incorrect treatise on how “girls aren’t funny” on a website frequented mainly by girls — some of whom, I am absolutely sure, want to be stand-up comedians — in the wake of a solid week of feminists (Gannon IDs as a feminist, by the by) discussing the cultural repercussions of male-dominated comedy.
That’s responsible, intelligent, intersectional feminism, right there.
Oh man, I wish there was at least one woman in this THIS gif. ^^;;;emma gannon hello giggles comedy sexism misogyny your bff kaye