Deputy Editor at Upworthy. Nerd. Feminist. Comedy fan. TV enthusiast. Ally. Fangirl. Hoping to make the world a better place by blogging in my pajamas.

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as entertaining as I do.

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I Spy A Famous Face.

Movies Watched in: 2012/2013/2014

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Currently Living: In Baltimore, MD.
"

Two weeks ago a man in France was arrested for raping his daughter. She’d gone to her school counselor and then the police, but they needed “hard evidence.” So, she videotaped her next assault. Her father was eventually arrested. His attorney explained, “There was a period when he was unemployed and in the middle of a divorce. He insists that these acts did not stretch back further than three or four months. His daughter says longer. But everyone should be very careful in what they say.” Because, really, even despite her seeking help, her testimony, her bravery in setting up a webcam to film her father raping her, you really can’t believe what the girl says, can you?

Everyone “knows” this. Even children.

Three years ago, in fly-on-the-wall fashion of parent drivers everywhere, I listened while a 14-year-old girl in the back seat of my car described how angry she was that her parents had stopped allowing her to walk home alone just because a girl in her neighborhood “claimed she was raped.” When I asked her if there was any reason to think the girl’s story was not true, she said, “Girls lie about rape all the time.” She didn’t know the person, she just assumed she was lying…

No one says, “You can’t trust women,” but distrust them we do. College students surveyed revealed that they think up to 50% of their female peers lie when they accuse someone of rape, despite wide-scale evidence and multi-country studies that show the incident of false rape reports to be in the 2%-8% range, pretty much the same as false claims for other crimes. As late as 2003, people jokingly (wink, wink) referred to Philadelphia’s sex crimes unit as “the lying bitch unit.” If an 11-year-old girl told an adult that her father took out a Craigslist ad to find someone to beat and rape her while he watched, as recently actually occurred, what do you think the response would be? Would she need to provide a videotape after the fact?

It goes way beyond sexual assault as well. That’s just the most likely and obvious demonstration of “women are born to lie” myths. Women’s credibility is questioned in the workplace, in courts, by law enforcement, in doctors’ offices, and in our political system. People don’t trust women to be bosses, or pilots, or employees. Pakistan’s controversial Hudood Ordinance still requires a female rape victim to procure four male witnesses to her rape or risk prosecution for adultery. In August, a survey of managers in the United States revealed that they overwhelmingly distrust women who request flextime. It’s notable, of course, that women are trusted to be mothers—the largest pool of undervalued, unpaid, economically crucial labor.

"
rape culture soraya chemaly women sexism misogyny queue
entertainmentweekly:

sparkletwig:

I have been in LA now for ten months.  Four months ago I booked my first job as a mom on a sitcom, and the day of the audition happily shared the experience via social media.  At that time, a particular acquaintance responded…(I’ll paraphrase here) 
 “What?!?!  You auditioned for them??  I hope it wasn’t for a *Mom* role!  I just don’t see you that way!”
Now, not only did this person rain on my audition parade (rude!), but with even more thoughtlessness, they criticized my opportunity.  Because they didn’t see me “that way”.  You know, the “Mom” way.  As opposed to the “Sexy” way. The “Young” way.  The” I-once-wore-thigh-highs-on-stage-and-you-really-liked-it-so-now-I-have-to-do-it-forever” way.  
I commented back to him (& others that drive this industry) to stop making us (females) fit into the tiny boxes drawn by your nether regions.  And that I was damn proud to get that audition.  Will someday be damn proud to be a mom.  And imagine at that point I’ll be even sexier - BECAUSE I HAVE BROUGHT FORTH LIFE!  
Now, fast forward to today…
I read a fantastic article, by Karen Valby for Entertainment Weekly, and decided to share that with my friends.  LOVED the writing, the tone, the truth - all of it.  
(Here’s a tiny, delicious snippet - “The real foolishness in all this, though, is the critics’ suggestion that the person who should feel shame is not the We’re the Millers screenwriter but the woman hired to perform what’s on the page. Let me be clear: If a woman in your script is a stripper, then the problem is you — specifically, your laziness and your limp imagination.”)
Then, this SAME acquaintance decided to speak out and comment, this time criticizing the sexual expression/choice of role for some female celebrities, calling it desperation or attention grabbing.  The entire point of Varby’s commentary completely escaped him.   So, I said as much and told him to read it again.   (Though in all honesty, he may be a lost cause.)
But after mulling things over this evening, I now find myself more outraged than ever.  YOU CAN’T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS.  I was criticized for auditioning for a mom role because that wasn’t sexy enough for you, and then in defense of the ridiculous choices we women in our not-20’s have to choose from in regards to work, you say choosing to take one of those “sexier” roles is desperation!   MAKE UP YOUR MIND.  
Or don’t.  I’m done with you.
However, MY mind IS made up.  I am not a desperate slut for choosing to do a sexual role or for playing a stripper or for playing a prostitute.  I am doing my JOB with what is written for me.  And when I am cast as a mom for a kid’s show, that doesn’t negate my sensuality or invalidate my sexuality as a woman.  Certainly not because I’m wearing a cardigan instead of G-string.
But this is what we’re dealing with, people.  Regular Joe and Jane Schmoes have these opinions, and twisted world-views, and unachievable standards for women they’ve never even met.  And to every single one of those people I say STOP shaming me for showing every part of who we are as women.  Give me something MORE to work with than being a stripper or a soccer mom.  
Better yet - don’t you dare get in my way when I’ve written something better my own damn self.

You go, lady! And not just because you liked our article.

A+++++

entertainmentweekly:

sparkletwig:

I have been in LA now for ten months.  Four months ago I booked my first job as a mom on a sitcom, and the day of the audition happily shared the experience via social media.  At that time, a particular acquaintance responded…(I’ll paraphrase here) 

“What?!?!  You auditioned for them??  I hope it wasn’t for a *Mom* role!  I just don’t see you that way!”

Now, not only did this person rain on my audition parade (rude!), but with even more thoughtlessness, they criticized my opportunity.  Because they didn’t see me “that way”.  You know, the “Mom” way.  As opposed to the “Sexy” way. The “Young” way.  The” I-once-wore-thigh-highs-on-stage-and-you-really-liked-it-so-now-I-have-to-do-it-forever” way.  

I commented back to him (& others that drive this industry) to stop making us (females) fit into the tiny boxes drawn by your nether regions.  And that I was damn proud to get that audition.  Will someday be damn proud to be a mom.  And imagine at that point I’ll be even sexier - BECAUSE I HAVE BROUGHT FORTH LIFE!  

Now, fast forward to today…

I read a fantastic article, by Karen Valby for Entertainment Weekly, and decided to share that with my friends.  LOVED the writing, the tone, the truth - all of it.  

(Here’s a tiny, delicious snippet - “The real foolishness in all this, though, is the critics’ suggestion that the person who should feel shame is not the We’re the Millers screenwriter but the woman hired to perform what’s on the page. Let me be clear: If a woman in your script is a stripper, then the problem is you — specifically, your laziness and your limp imagination.”)

Then, this SAME acquaintance decided to speak out and comment, this time criticizing the sexual expression/choice of role for some female celebrities, calling it desperation or attention grabbing.  The entire point of Varby’s commentary completely escaped him.   So, I said as much and told him to read it again.   (Though in all honesty, he may be a lost cause.)

But after mulling things over this evening, I now find myself more outraged than ever.  YOU CAN’T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS.  I was criticized for auditioning for a mom role because that wasn’t sexy enough for you, and then in defense of the ridiculous choices we women in our not-20’s have to choose from in regards to work, you say choosing to take one of those “sexier” roles is desperation!   MAKE UP YOUR MIND.  

Or don’t.  I’m done with you.

However, MY mind IS made up.  I am not a desperate slut for choosing to do a sexual role or for playing a stripper or for playing a prostitute.  I am doing my JOB with what is written for me.  And when I am cast as a mom for a kid’s show, that doesn’t negate my sensuality or invalidate my sexuality as a woman.  Certainly not because I’m wearing a cardigan instead of G-string.

But this is what we’re dealing with, people.  Regular Joe and Jane Schmoes have these opinions, and twisted world-views, and unachievable standards for women they’ve never even met.  And to every single one of those people I say STOP shaming me for showing every part of who we are as women.  Give me something MORE to work with than being a stripper or a soccer mom.  

Better yet - don’t you dare get in my way when I’ve written something better my own damn self.

You go, lady! And not just because you liked our article.

A+++++

casting acting moms women queue
"On Periods: Let’s put this shit to bed right now: Women don’t lose their minds when they have period-related irritability. It doesn’t lower their ability to reason; it lowers their patience and, hence, tolerance for bullshit. If an issue comes up a lot during “that time of the month,” that doesn’t mean she only cares about it once a month; it means she’s bothered by it all the time and lacks the capacity, once a month, to shove it down and bury it beneath six gulps of willful silence."

Shakesville: Feminism 101 (via andotherdoublemeanings)

BOOM

(via lagertha-lodbrok)

THANK YOU

oh this is SO FREAKING SPOT ON

(via giant-pancakes)

YUUUUUUUP.

periods women

At The Movies, The Women Are Gone | Linda Holmes for NPR

They put up Bridesmaids, we went. They put up Pitch Perfect, we went. They put up The Devil Wears Prada, which was in two-thousand-meryl-streeping-oh-six, and we went (and by “we,” I do not just mean women; I mean we, the humans), and all of it has led right here, right to this place. Right to the land of zippedy-doo-dah. You can apparently make an endless collection of high-priced action flops and everybody says “win some, lose some” and nobody decides that They Are Poison, but it feels like every “surprise success” about women is an anomaly and every failure is an abject lesson about how we really ought to just leave it all to The Rock.

Nobody remembers, it seems, how many people said Bridesmaids would fail. And it didn’t! But it didn’t matter.

women movies media feminism comedy
"

What I do want to tell you is that you need to stop using the “wives, sisters, daughters” argument when you are talking to people defending the Steubenville rapists. Or any rapists. Or anyone who commits any kind of crime, violent or otherwise, against a woman.

In case you’re unfamiliar with this line of rhetoric, it’s the one that goes like this:

You should stop defending the rapists and start caring about the victim. Imagine if she was your sister, or your daughter, or your wife. Imagine how badly you would feel if this happened to a woman that you cared about.

Framing the issue this way for rape apologists can seem useful. I totally get that. It feels like you’re humanizing the victim and making the event more relatable, more sympathetic to the person you’re arguing with.

You know what, though? Saying these things is not helpful; in fact, it’s not even helping to humanize the victim. What you are actually doing is perpetuating rape culture by advancing the idea that a woman is only valuable in so much as she is loved or valued by a man.

The Steubenville rape victim was certainly someone’s daughter. She may have been someone’s sister. Someday she might even be someone’s wife. But these are not the reasons why raping her was wrong. This rape, and any rape, was wrong because women are people. Women are people, rape is wrong, and no one should ever be raped. End of story.

"

I Am Not Your Wife, Sister or Daughter. I Am A Person. (via jlmillered)

Not to mention the fact that this exact ‘imagine she was your daughter’ argument was made to the rapists during the fucking rape:

In one moment from the video, behind the maniacal laughter, another boy can be heard off-screen: “That’s, like, rape. It is rape. They raped her.” You can hear the realization dawning in his voice. A few minutes later, the same voice asks, “But what if that was your daughter?” …

Nodianos’ giggled response to the question posed? “If that was my daughter, I wouldn’t care. I’d just let her be dead.”

(via cocknbull)

(Source: tommyshelby)

steubenville rape culture rhetoric feminism women queue
"We are angry that men do not do enough. We are angry at work where we are underpaid and overlooked. This anger can be neatly channelled and outsourced to make someone a fat profit. Are your hormones okay? Do you need a nice bath? Some sex tips and an internet date? What if, contrary to Sex and the City, new shoes do not fill the hole in your soul? What if you aspire to another model of womanhood than the mute but beautifully groomed Kate Middleton? What if your anguish is not illogical but actually bloody spot on?"

Seeing Red: The Power of Female Anger

This article is a great read. 

feminism gender equality women capitalism politics

VIDEO: The Sexist Ads Of 2012

2012 was a great year for women in politics. For women in advertisements, not so much.

sexism feminism advertising women role models my upworthy posts
"Mr. Romney has called for overturning Roe v. Wade, the 1973 Supreme Court ruling that recognized a woman’s constitutional right to make her own childbearing decisions and to legalized abortion nationwide. He has said that the issue should be thrown back to state legislatures. The actual impact of that radical rights rollback is worth considering.

It would not take much to overturn the Roe decision. With four of the nine members of the Supreme Court over 70 years old, the next occupant of the White House could have the opportunity to appoint one or more new justices. If say, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, the oldest member, retired and Mr. Romney named a replacement hostile to abortion rights, the basic right to abortion might well not survive."
The New York Times: “If Roe v. Wade Goes” (via barackobama)
election 2012 choice women politics roe v. wade abortion queue
"With regard to abortion. I accept my church’s opinion - position - on abortion. Life begins at conception, that is the church’s decision. I accept it in my personal life. But I refuse to impose it on equally devout Christians and Muslims and Jews. I just refuse to impose that on others, unlike my friend here, the congressman. I do not believe that we have a right to tell other people, women, that they can’t control their body."
Joe Biden  (via oberstingwithconor)

(Source: shmegeh)

joe biden role model politics religion abortion women

“Women as Livestock” Bill passes in Georgia

stfuconservatives:

prochoicetruth:

kaiamar:

After an emotional 14-hour workday that included fist-fights between lobbyists and a walk-out by women Democrats, the Georgia House passed a Senate-approved bill Thursday night that criminalizes abortion after 20 weeks.

The bill, which does not contain rape or incest exemptions, is expected to receive a signature from Republican Gov. Nathan Deal.

HB 954 garnered national attention this month when state Rep. Terry England (R-Auburn) compared pregnant women carrying stillborn fetuses to the cows and pigs on his farm. According to Rep. England and his warped thought process, if farmers have to “deliver calves, dead or alive,” then a woman carrying a dead fetus, or one not expected to survive, should have to carry it to term.

http://msmagazine.com/blog/blog/2012/03/31/at-11th-hour-georgia-passes-women-as-livestock-bill/

I live in Georgia. I’ve had an incomplete miscarriage. This horrifies and sickens me. 

Tell me again how there’s no War on Women. I dare you.

georgia abortion WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK women feminism

According to the Pentagon, 52 military women are raped every day

jessicavalenti:

And yet, we still don’t offer servicewomen access to abortion.

abortion military rape america women
"Women read comics. Anyone at all engaged in social media knows this. Women read comics and are a driving force behind fandom. I think I could call them the driving force behind fandom and put up a convincing argument. Just think about it: what fandoms have driven America crazy in the last decade? Could anyone dissuade me from saying that they were Harry Potter, Twilight and the Hunger Games? “Avatar” may have put butts in theater seats, but you don’t hear about it… ever. No one is immersed in the world of “Avatar” except James Cameron and people who enjoy wearing Na’vi Zentai suits. “The Avengers” was pretty darn huge and, if Tumblr is any indication, a whopping portion of the people driving that fandom online do not possess a Y chromosome. Women engage in fandom to levels that men do not. When women get behind something, their sheer numbers and passion force it into the mainstream. That’s why you can name the actor who plays that werewolf kid in “Twilight” and probably sing at least the chorus to one Justin Bieber song. What do tween boys like? I have no clue. Sports? Probably sports."

Brett White, Comic Book Resources (via wandrinparakeet)

PREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACH

(via notnadia)

brett white fandom comic books the avengers women

I debated whether or not to share this story.

wilwheaton:

unwinona:

And then I debated whether or not to put it on Tumblr…but I decided it was important.  Because in my own way, I can (unfortunately) point out exactly what is wrong with men when they don’t realize how hard it is to be a woman.  How we do not have equal opportunities and freedoms in everyday life.  How most men, even good caring men, have no clue what we go through on a daily basis just trying to live our lives.

So here goes.

I often ride the Metro when I commute from North Hollywood to Long Beach in order to save money.  I bring a book, pointedly wear a ring on my ring finger to imply I’m married (I’m not) and keep to myself.  

Without fail, I am aggressively approached by men on at least half of these commutes.  The most common approach is to walk up to where I am sitting with body language that practically screams LEAVE ME ALONE and sit down next to me or as close to me as possible, when the train is not crowded and there are many empty rows.  Sometimes an overly friendly arm is draped over the railing behind me, or they attempt to lean in close to talk to me as if we are old friends.  Without fail, the man or boy in question will lean to close and ask me

What are you reading?

Is that a good book?

What’s that book about?


This serves the double purpose of getting my attention and trapping me in a conversation.  If I stop reading the book I enjoy to talk to you, random stranger, you hit on me or just stay way too close to me.  If I tell you to leave me alone, you get mad at me.  Because I somehow, as a woman, owe you conversation.

Tonight when I boarded the train in Long Beach at 10:30pm, it started up right away.  I was not on the train more than three minutes before three boys who looked eighteen sat in the row behind me and leaned over the seats into my personal space, close enough to breathe on me.  The one with his arm draped over onto the back of my seat asked me—surprise— “what are you reading?”  I went through my usual routine.  I told them loudly and firmly that I wanted to be left alone to read my book.  They got angry.  I was told “Why are you going to be like that?  I just wanted to talk!”  His friends start laughing at me and they don’t move, telling me come on! and why are you gonna be like that? until I tell them to leave me the fuck alone, stand up, and move to the front of the car near the three other people on the train, a couple and a business man in a suit.  They spend the next two stops shouting at me from the back of the car, alternating between trying to sound flirtatious and making fun of me, shouting “I bet she’s reading Stephanie Meyer!  I bet she’s reading Twilight or some shit!  You reading Twilight or some shit?”

They exit the train at the next stop, and I’m relieved.  The train is going out of service at the next station, so we all exit to board a new train to Los Angeles.  As we board, the business man steps aside to let me go through the door first and asks me if those guys were bothering me.  I say yes, that it happens all the time, and he tells he’ll beat them up for me if they come back.  He is a nice person who talks to me like I’m a human being instead of a walking pair of tits, and I make a mental note:  This is how a real man talks to a woman on a train.

The business man and the couple exit our new Blue Line train an exit or so later, and I think my night is ending on a good note.  A seemingly normal man enters the train with his bicycle.  At this point I am three rows from the front of the car, another man was sitting near the back of the car, and the rest of the car is empty.  Bicycle Man walks halfway down the row, and settles into the seat directly opposite me.  Perfect, I think.  Twice in one night.

It’s not the first time I’ve been bothered multiple times.  As such, I’m still amped from the teenagers on the first train.  So when this man leans across the aisle into my personal space and asks me, yes, what are you reading, I assertively but calmly tell him to please leave me alone, I am reading.  The man stands up, moving to the front and muttering angrily over his shoulder that it isn’t his fault I’m pretty.

Yes.  Exactly that.  I am the bad person in this situation because somehow this is all my fault.  I started this by being attractive.  I am making a mental note to bitch about this to my friends later.  I go so far as to write it down so I know I’m remembering it properly.  

It is at this exact moment I realize Bicycle Man is not taking it well.  The seemingly annoying but normal man a moment before is now talking to himself, becoming agitated.  In my years of being bothered by total strangers, I have learned how to hold a book and seem to be reading while taking in everything around me.  He is glaring at me, and says out loud in an angry baby talk voice “PLEASELEAVEMEALONEI’MREADING.  PLEASE LEAVE ME ALOOOONE.”

Then he’s up out of his seat and things go from bad to worse.  He begins pacing back and forth in front of his bike, alternating between screaming something about his mother being dead and calling me a slut, a hoe, a bitch.  I am frozen in place.  There is one other person in the car, and I’m not sure if trying to change seats will draw more attention to me or less. I trust my instincts and show no fear, doing my best to appear to be calmly reading my book, never once looking up to acknowledge the abuse he’s hurling at me.  There are four stops left until we reach the main downtown station where there are lights and security officers.  Those four stops are virtually abandoned, and I have no guarantee that leaving to wait for another train won’t motivate him to leave the train as well, leaving us potentially alone at a metro station platform just outside of Compton.  I’m frozen in place, trying to plan what I’m going to do if he decides to take all this rage directly to me.  I’m ready to kick him, scream, make enough noise that he panics and flees.  

At this point he’s punching the walls and doors of the train, screaming at me.  He stares me full in the face and screams

SUCK MY DICK, BITCH

YOU BITCH

YOU STUPID BITCH

YOU GODDAMN HO

IF I HAD A GUN I’D SHOOT YOU

I WOULD FUCKING KILL YOU BITCH

This went on for two stops.  No one came to see what was happening.  The man in the last row was as frozen as I was.  I’m not angry he didn’t come to my defense.  He was smaller, older, and frailer-looking than I was.  Again, I was worried if I got up, I would be turning my back on him to walk down the aisle.  In the state he was in, I had no guarantee it wouldn’t get physical, and I had more physical strength with my back to the window and feet in kicking position where I was.  If he had chosen to assault me, I would only be making it easier for him by standing up and putting myself directly in his path.  On and on, over and over, he screamed at me, screamed at his dead mother, screamed at me again.

The moment we reached the downtown station, I was out the door and down the stairs.  I still had to catch a connecting train to North Hollywood, and made sure there was no sign of Bicycle Man before I entered the car.  That’s when I finally starting shaking, and almost threw up.  By the time I exited the Red Line and reached my car I could barely breathe and my heart was pounding out of my chest.  Even now, in my own home, my hands are still shaking and for some reason the stress has made my back muscles feel cold and numb.  From all the tension, I can only assume.  I can’t eat anything, I still feel like I’m going to vomit, and I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t cried so much, so hard I still have the headache.

So when people (men) want to talk about “legitimate” forms of assault, tell girls they should be nice to strangers and give men the benefit of a doubt, tell them to consider it a compliment, tell them to ignore the bad behavior of men, I want them to be forced to feel, for even one minute, what it feels like to have so much verbal hatred and physical intimidation thrown at them for nothing more than being female and not wanting to share.  

I just wanted to read my book.

It’s not my fault I’m pretty.

This is why I loudly and angrily berate men who are shitty to women. 

This is why I stand up for women’s rights.

This is why, as a 40 year-old man, I’m starting to realize that I’m more of a feminist than I thought I was.

Preach it. 

feminism assault women
stfusexists:

And if we get our way, a Constitutional amendment!

stfusexists:

And if we get our way, a Constitutional amendment!

(Source: gop-circus)

politics GOP women basically this twitter
"Am I arguing that girls and women shouldn’t be held responsible for their behaviour? Not at all. If a woman drinks to excess, then falls over in the street, loses her wallet and vomits all over her shirt, she has only herself to blame. But rape is not a consequence of getting drunk. It’s a consequence of a man deciding to rape someone."
Emily Maguire, Princesses & Pornstars: Sex, Power, Identity (via isistiberiuscat)
rape culture rape victim blaming sex emily maguire women feminism